Where am I in this journey of being a mom? Like so many little girls I dreamed of being a mama someday.I Imagined what I would look like (pencil thin and wearing a perfectly ironed dress and apron, ofcourse!), what life would be like, and how perfect and pleasant all my children would be. I played it out over and over again in my growing up years. It was part of God's preparing me (though my view was quite limited!) for what He was calling me to be and do in this life. Well, here I am...smack dab in the middle of my dream. I'm living it. Married to the most incredible man in the entire world, so in love that sometimes I don't even understand it, and blessed beyond measure with these 6 precious little "arrows" God has so lovingly placed in my care. So......now what? That's the question. Now what is it I'm going to do with all of this? Somehow the Lord laid this heavy on my heart tonight as I was praying and listening to Him.
He had me thinking tonight pretty deeply about where I am in this "mom" journey. With any task God calls us to it's always wise to stop and evaluate ourselves honestly and critically from time to time, and sometimes the results of that evaluation are prettier than others. I have to say, I was very convicted tonight. Don't get me wrong, we have these wonderful children who I truly believe are a blessing to us and so many others around them. We're always trying to honor God in how we parent them and always seeking to be incredibly intentional in teaching and training them. However, I had one of those moments tonight where I slowed down and saw an image of myself that wasn't so pretty (by the way, i was reminded that the Holy Spirit has a way of clearly showing us such reflections of ourselves if we will slow down long enough to see them). Well, it hit me again tonight. I have 2 children who are within a mere 6-7 years of leaving our home forever, and a little trail of others coming up right behind them. The time is flying by right before my eyes! What will they all remember when they think back to memories of "Mama" ? In what areas am I doing well, and in what ways am I truly falling short of who I'm called to be in their lives? I was reminded again tonight in my spirit about just slowing down and enjoying my children...delighting in the Lord and in them. Am I just Mama who goes and goes and is frazzled all the time, telling them what to do, keeping them on task, yet trying to teach great life lessons about the Lord as they go about their day (often with my own countenance weary and worn)? Where's the joy in that exactly? What will their memories of Mama be? Dont' get me wrong, I think if I were gone tomorrow they would have great memories, loving memories, and even have been taught many invaluable things from me. You know what though? What I was thinking on this Mother's Day week is this: Is that enough? What about my laugh? Will they remember my laugh? Not just what it sounded like, but will they have memories of hearing it often? What about the day to day joy in my life... my own delight in my Lord? The truth is, the one thing that will draw my children to God Himself the most, I believe, is a contagious joy and adventure they see in the life of me and my husband that they SO long for they can't help but seek after it themselves. I'm not so sure I've been allowing the beauty of my Lord to shine through me recently as it should. Certainly it does at times, but it's not been what
defines me...who I am to the core....what my children will remember about me. I think if I'm being real I've let the burdens of day to day life interfere some with being all I'm called to be as a mom, but even more so, I believe I've even allowed something "better" to interfere. The recent months have been an amazing, deep, soul-searching, seeking after God's own heart season in my own life. I think the holy heaviness of these times, added to the daily stressers of a large household, sports, church, homeschooling,etc have consumed me to the point that I am failing, once again, to allow the joy of the Lord to be my strength. I'm deceived if I think my children don't see this. The result? A mama who is not all that God's called her to be in the lives of her children. Now, I'm not just being hard on myself for the sake of feeling the need to do so. I genuinely believe I've been living out of Shannon strength and not Jesus strength in recent days. I had to ask forgiveness for this self-sufficiency and allow my Lord to remind me who I am in Him. To "renew a right spirit within me" as the Psalmist wrote. I want there to be such delight and joy shining out of this earthly temple He has given me that it is contagious. Nothing fake, nothing conjured up, because then we'd just be talking about white washed tombs...what
I would be and the
last thing I want these precious children to be.
So the result of my Mama evaluation? Well, it's always a wise thing to really look in the mirror at who you are and sord of regroup periodically. (or better yet, allow the Word to be that mirror and let His Spirit set things right!) I needed to do that tonight. These days are fleeting before our eyes with these young ones. We're not guaranteed another day on this earth. The greatest gift I can give my children is for each of them to desire God with all their heart ALL the days of their life. I want them to see this life with Jesus for what it really is..."the life that is truly life"...the real thing...the adventure above any other, and an absolute joy and delight. WE CAN'T MISS THIS! These children have been placed by our loving Lord in our care for a short while. The task is overwhelming. It's bigger than we can wrap our minds around...but as soon as we lose sight of the enormity of our task for even a short while the enemy will sneak in and start his craftiness at deceiving their tender souls. Mamas, let's rise up and be the wives and mothers our Lord has called us to be. "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Let Him be our joy, our soul's very delight so that we will have no regrets when we look back at these days, and we can watch our own children follow hard after God and find HIM as their own delight and joy through life, no matter what comes their way.
