Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Look at these beautiful creatures!  Created by the hand of God Himself.  I'm overwhelmed just looking at them, not out of pride, but out of absolute, overflowing joy!  How often with children we must remember that we worship the Creator, not the creation.  Our fleshly nature draws us to the latter, but we know they are all precious ones in His sight, made BY God and FOR God.  When I look at each of their faces they make me smile.  Each of them so unique and so perfectly fashioned for the purpose for which they were made...for such a time as this.  God knew exactly what He was doing when He formed each of them.  He had a plan from the foundation of the world.  A plan in which Kenny and I would be their Mama and Daddy and help prepare them for the next seasons of life that are ahead of them. A plan that only God Himself can see for now. 

I can't help but think how overwhelmed Mary must have been when she first held and saw her precious baby.  He was the Creator AND a creation put in flesh...hard to wrap my head around really.  I'll never forget the emotions I had the first Christmas after my first child was born.  I wrote about it vividly in my journal back then.  I remember everything looked and felt different that Christmas.  It's like this part of me came alive that didn't exist before.  All of a sudden the stories of Jesus I had heard for years meant something now. I couldn't view any of it the same ever again.  I would let myself just dwell deeply on each piece of Christmas...Mary's pregnancy and birth.  REALLY?  She went through all that natural childbirth in a stable? The pain, the fear of the unknown, the physical side of things that must be dealt with after the birth of a baby?  Then the emotions of holding and looking at that newborn you have known for so many months now...watching His every movement and realizing that's what you've been feeling inside of you all these weeks.  The incredible sense of responsibility that weighs on you in a new way than ever before once you see and hold that baby.  Life.  This beautiful, perfect life you are holding.  So fresh from heaven.  This creature crafted by the hand of God Himself and here in your arms.  Overwhelming isn't a big enough word. Every verse of scripture I read had new meaning. Every song I had heard for years brought tears to my eyes that I couldn't hold back, because I felt them now. Those emotions haven't decreased one bit over the years, but have done quite the opposite.  When I stop and realize that my Lord GAVE His only son to give me life...sacrificed Him for me, I can't even go there in my mind.  It's beyond me.

As you look at the sweet faces of the children on our Christmas card, I hope you will see a picture of Christ.  I pray that each of their lives impacts the kingdom of God in a mighty way and that they follow Him all of their days with humble, servant hearts.  I pray that they are lights in the darkness around them, and that each of them fulfill the great purposes for which they were created...BY God and FOR God. 

The Joy of the Lord

It's been quite a tiring past couple of weeks!  We had a great Sunday the weekend before Thanksgiving surprising Kenny for his birthday (more on that in a later post), but it was truthfully downhill from there!  We started with yucky, coughing sinus fever type stuff and despite all my best efforts, it went through the entire house the whole week of Thanksgiving.  By the weekend it seemed we were finishing all our sickness up, and by Sunday night and Monday every single one of us just hit rock bottom.  Long story short...all the kids to the doctor (which I avoid at all cost!) and Kenny and me sick as well.  3 nights straight E and Z (our littlest two) were up crying the entire night, which is, as many of you know, so difficult and exhausting, especially when you're sick yourself.  Then daytime hours come, and there is no such thing as calling in sick.  Maintaining a household of 8 doesn't just happen by itself, and if anything the demands go up instead of down during sick times. 

Now, I am not writing all of this for the sake of complaint or even pity.  I'm guessing I'm not the only one reading this post that can relate to what I'm talking about on some level. All I know is how now coming up on almost 2 weeks straight of sickness in this house, I AM WEARY! I am tired to the bone!  I had my moment of tears yesterday, where I just had to lay on my face in my room and say, "Lord, I am exhausted.  I have nothing left in me.  I need You to help me."  Ever feel that way?  Man, I do.  It's times like these that I know the Lord is continuing the process of chipping away at me and getting me a baby step closer to who He created me to be in the first place.  Being a mama is hard...harder than I can ever describe.  It's more amazing than I could ever put into words, but any woman would be lying to say it isn't the hardest job on the face of the planet!  Ever since my very first, I can see how God uses these precious little ones to mold and shape US more and more into who we are to be. (don't we often think of it just the other way around?) Getting up in the night with little ones and nursing them, rocking them, or giving them medicine over and over when you don't FEEL like it again and again requires something of you that you didn't know you had in you before.  I always feel like that each time I have a newborn, and you know, "Ok, here we go...days and days and weeks of going without sleep, getting up to feed, changing diapers while you're half asleep yourself, and getting up and going full force the next day with the other kids who slept wonderfully last night and have no idea that you feel like you've been hit by a semi-truck.  All the while, you're supposed to still cook meals, clean house, do laundry, look somewhat presentable, and be somewhat pleasant for your dear husband, children, and friends.  If anything in the world made me start the process of getting rid of self, it was becoming a mama!  Would I trade it in a heartbeat? You must be kidding.  Not a chance.  This poor body of mine isn't tiny anymore, and my hair isn't flowing and long like it once was before all the hormones kicked in.  I don't always have the energy I once had, and I sometimes feel like we look like a really bad reality show, despite our genuine attempts to teach and train our children.  Regardless, I know that it's right.  Nothing's ever been more right.  I love how it never fails, the moment I feel like I'm at my absolute last ounce of strength, one of my little ones gives me a big smile or kiss.  One of my guys grabs me and tells me how much they love me or says something to make my heart just melt.  In those moments I am reminded what it's all about. 

I'll end with a story about my twins, who are now 8 years old.  At the time, I had 4 children, all boys, and all 6 years old and younger. The twins were little guys, still in diapers.  It was the middle of football season, which for us is just incredibly busy.  Kenny's works tremendous hours, and we didn't have family living around at all.  Well, for whatever reason, these 2 little guys decide to start this lovely new habit of removing their diapers and smearing the contents all over everything in sight...I know, absolutely disgusting!  (As Kenny said back then, "even a dog knows not to play in it's own poop!  What's wrong with them?!")  The crazy thing is they somehow were able to both fill their diapers at the same time and no matter how many layers of clothes I put on them, no matter how hard I tried to listen in while they were playing in their cribs, they would manage to do this over and over.  This went on for days and weeks.  Now, keep in mind, I was homeschooling a 5 and 6 year old all day, too, along with chasing these little twin monkeys around all day long!  Let's just say, I definitely reached "weary" mode! One day I put the twins in their room to play for just a few minutes, and when I returned, you guessed it...poop city!  EVERYWHERE!  All over the carpet, walls, and ofcourse, all over them.  You also have to realize, this had happened day after day for weeks.  How in the world did these little jokers manage to do this much damage in just a very few minutes?!  I was holding back tears, taking 2 little ones to the bathtub to clean up...again, trying to keep my older 2 boys out of the mess.  After bathing them, I went back to their room with my cleaning supplies and got down on my hands and knees, scrubbing the mess off of the carpets.  Needless to say, I wasn't looking very lovely myself.  I had on my oversized t-shirt and shorts, hair pulled up on  top of my head, no makeup.  Here I am scrubbing up this mess and somehow in my mind thinking, "I didn't sign up for all this!"  All I ever wanted to be my entire life was a mommy.  I wanted a bunch of children and wanted to be a mommy.  Let me assure you, this was NOT what I had envisioned all those years!  I sat there on my knees cleaning, and as clearly as I've ever heard the audible voice of God, I heard Him say, "Shannon, this is what you're here for."  What?!  Seriously, that's it?  I hear the audible voice of God more evidently than I ever have before, and THIS is what He says?  Again, "Shannon, THIS is what you're here for."  I stopped right there, and now, in tears of joy, I thanked Him.  Yes.  It's not about ME.  I was put on this earth to glorify God.  I am His servant.  I never minded standing on a stage singing His praise serving Him, but this was dirty work.  It was hard.  It required something of me that I didn't think I had in me before.  I say this, not pridefully, but thankfully...I finished scrubbing up that mess through my tears, telling my Lord that I loved Him.  That this was my act of worship to Him.  Our LIFE is our act of worship. The way I love on those children in the moments they aren't so lovable, or the way I do the most menial of tasks in the quiet of my home that no one sees but Him.  He sees my heart.  He loves me and is growing me right where I am.  He receives that worship and is glorified. 

I wish I could tell you that I have had perfect success keeping my focus ever since that day.  Obviously, I haven't.  However, I will tell you this.  I can never forget the truth of what the Lord taught me that day.  It is a choice.  I can't control what circumstances come my way, but I can choose how I react to them.  Dying to self.  Isn't that what following Jesus really looks like anyway?  Ironically, by being willing to die, I then have real life.  Real life and joy in my children, in my husband, in my friends and even strangers.  Real life in my Lord.  All of a sudden there is purpose in every single trivial circumstance of life.  It all matters.  "The joy of the Lord is my strength." 

David Platt- Religion or Devotion?

 If you aren't familiar with the author David Platt, let me urge you to take time to get to know who he is, but more importantly what his message is.  His book, "Radical", is an eye opening reminder to us of the life that is truly life. These are the kind of messages we need to be hearing in this nation.  Don't know about you, but this one pierces my heart...now let's get out there and do something with it.

Upgrade Your Countertops

A few weeks ago my aunt and uncle were in a very serious car accident while driving home from a football game. Their car flipped four times after being hit by a young man who ran a stop sign, and they were both pinned in the car upside down. After both being cut out of the car by emergency workers, he was airlifted and she was sent by ambulance to the local trauma center, both considered critical. He suffered a broken neck, cracked skull, broken back in 3 places, broken ribs, and multiple other injuries. She suffered a broken neck, broken leg, injured face and hand and other injuries, as well. Though there have been many ups and downs for them both over the past few weeks, they are both still hanging in there, thanks to the prayers of so many.

When you get a phone call like that one, everything just sord of stops, or at very least goes into slow motion around you. All of the things that seemed so urgent and important just seconds before suddenly have lost their significance. Just a short time after the call I went to my email account to send out a prayer request to some friends. As I pulled up my account the subject line of one of my unread emails caught my attention. "10 Ways to Upgrade Your Countertops" . Now, normally, no big deal. This was obviously from some site that I've chosen to receive emails from, but for some reason now all of a sudden this line seemed so obviously foolish. My honest thought was, "who in the world cares about countertops? How stupid. People are dying and we're chatting about countertops" Now, I certainly realize that basically every human being I know has countertops (including myself, ofcourse), and I certainly don't have a problem with that, but in light of the life or death situation with my aunt and uncle, even the mention of this just seemed so incredibly petty. "Really? Countertops?" In the days that followed (all within about a week) we found out that some friends of ours' little girl, 4 years old, has leukemia. Also, another dear friend lost her husband to cancer, and just a little over a year ago had to bury her 20 year old son. The Lord just kept reminding me of the "countertops" line. It ate at me like crazy. "Lord, is this what we've become? Wasting our time on things that are nowhere NEAR eternal." Really this was just a big climax to some things the Lord's been showing us for some time...really for a couple of years, but intensely now in recent months. Kenny always talks about the deathbed scenario, and it's so right. Fast forward to your deathbed. What things are REALLY important to you in that moment. Your house? Your clothes? What movie you saw last week? How much money you made? Ofcourse not. The things that matter in that moment...your relationship with God, your family, the way you loved others and impacted their lives...that's it. If those things really are all that matter in the end, then why aren't we living in focused pursuit of them NOW? It's so hard to stay focused in this hectic culture we live in, it's true. But we only get one shot at this life...one. We just can't miss it. I can't. It's got to count. It's got to matter. There are real flesh and blood people out there hurting and dying...Most of them living in pursuit of whatever comes their way, but never truly fulfilled. I know it's something to which we need to give some serious thought and prayer. Lord, guide me. Open my eyes to the hurt around me in this world. Every one of us is living in this "story" we call life. Every single person we pass at the mall or the grocery store is living in the midst of their own story, and it's usually far from a fairytale. We are so consumed with our own little world that we are missing the life that is truly life. Missing the only thing that matters. God's word says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. Love your neighbor as yourself." Actually, He calls part of this the "royal law". Nothing else matters. It's all summed up in this. This life is just a vapor. We are just a vapor. Here one moment, gone the next. As Mother Teresa said,"I have all eternity to rest, and there is still much to do ... Life is not worth living unless it is lived for others."

Ready or Not

Ok, I'm really doing it. Starting a blog. Seeing that I didn't really even know exactly what the word "blog" meant until way after the average human being in the civilized world, I'd say it's going to be quite impressive if this ever actually gets out there for everyone to see! To be truthful, I have felt quite compelled to write for some time, but every time I would set out to actually start I just felt so inadequate. I have always loved writing. I've kept a journal most of my life, even going back to when I was seven years old (and, yes, I still have them all, which won't surprise those who know me a bit!) Still I love to write, and often try to write in my own journals or journals and letters I keep for my children, but never do I write for others to see. I guess that's what was making me so uncomfortable with the whole blog thing. When I write privately it's not for anyone else to read. Yeah, maybe my husband or children one day might read it if I'm dead and gone before them, but that's different. If I started keeping up a blog anyone and everyone can read it. I'm not sure that I want my innermost thoughts and life stories out there for all to see. That's way too vulnerable for me. I mean, I can't really write well if I'm having to think about correct paragraphing or punctuation. What if someone interprets something entirely different than I intended or thinks that I'm doing this to impress or because I think I have it all figured out? Forget it. Can't do it. Plus, I can't justify spending time blogging with all of life's other responsibilities. Those were many of the arguments going on inside my head...I know, I'm an overthinker. (Tell me something I don't know!) Regardless, I've just kept going back and forth for a year or more now on doing this. If I'm being totally honest, I know the Lord has been prompting me to do this. Why? That's been the exact same question I've been asking Him myself all this time! I even set this whole page up back in February and wrote my first post. I had the layout all done and everything, but I just couldn't make myself click "publish". All I kept thinking is, "Who in the world would want to read anything I have to write? There are so many people out there with much more exciting lives to write about than mine. Not to mention, all of those much older and wiser that have lived and learned much more than me." All I know is that even with so many doubts about this, it's something I'm supposed to do. What is my purpose for this blog? Hmmmm...truthfully? I'm not exactly sure. I think a lot of it is probably just going to be a snapshot of our daily life here in the Dallas household. (let me just say that some days that snapshot is prettier than others, but never dull!) I think in many ways this will also be a bit of what I've already done for so long in my own personal journals...just kind of laying out where I am in this journey and what the Lord is teaching me through life and those around me in this season I am in. (and let me forewarn you that when I "journal" I really DON'T use paragraphs or correct punctuation at all. Just let it all flow together straight out of my brain! If that bothers you, you might want to stop reading now!) All I know is this. I want to be real; authentic to the core. I want to live the "life that is truly life" beginning while I am here on this earth and on into eternity. I don't want to miss it. In my heart of hearts I desire to honor God and impact this world for the kingdom of God in the short time I am here. If you are out there and happen to be reading this blog, I can say from the beginning that in everything I write, I am praying God uses it to encourage or help you in your journey, too...not because I have it all figured out, but because that's the way it's supposed to be in the body of Christ. All of us helping each other along the way. Otherwise there's really no point in me writing at all. Ofcourse, I guess I better click "publish post" this time so that there is actually some chance of that happening.