Today I witnessed a pretty amazing thing for a Mama. My 13 year old son preached at Middle School chapel at his school. This all came about because about a month ago he felt led to start a Bible study with the boys in his grade at lunch once a week. He took the initiative and went to his principal and got permission to start this. He worked out with one of his teachers a classroom to have it in and started spreading the word to all the guys. Now, I have to admit, I know Jake is incredibly gifted with an amazing mind, especially about the things of God, but there's something in me as a mama that was afraid FOR him as his first day of trying this out approached. Kenny and I both asked him did he want to talk through any of it ahead of time, or did he need any guidance, help, etc. "No, I'm good. God's already shown me what to teach." Well, 22 boys showed up the first week, and the word from the kids and the principal was that it couldn't have gone any better. The kids were engaged, listening, asking questions, and didn't want to stop when the bell rang. The following week every boy in his class came, and he's even gotten some girls to start a girls' Bible study, too! Well, the middle school principal asked him a couple of weeks ago to do chapel today, so needless to say I was SO excited for the opportunity for him. However, as the day approached I was doing the same thing again, even though he knew exactly what the Lord had given him to speak about. I was simply nervous for him! This was the entire middle school. Some of the kids are older than him. Would he be able to hold their attention? Would he be able to get his point across? As smart as he is and as much as I know his heart's desire is to honor God and listen to Him, what if he says some things that aren't really lined up with scripture? "Ok, enough," God said. "How about you just trust me, Shannon?" The Lord reminded me of something He started teaching me the very first week I brought Jake home as a newborn from the hospital.
I can remember just like any new mama, just holding him, feeding him, changing him and feeling so overwhelmed at this new little life God had breathed into existence....this little eternal soul that God had, in his miraculous ways, entrusted for a time to Kenny and me. I literally can remember hovering over the bassinet just about to explode inside with joy looking at this tiny little creature God had so magnificently designed. You hear new mama's say it all the time, but I really did stand over him making sure he was breathing so many times, especially that first few weeks. I was worried to death...butterflies in my stomach...about doing something wrong. Messing up. Not protecting him the way I should or training him just right. I was flooded with emotions I had never experienced, and it was overwhelming in my spirit. The Lord reminded me at that time of something Beth Moore had said in one of her Bible studies. She had described similar feelings with her first child and how she would just stand over her, worry over her saying, "Lord, who needs angels to guard over her, you've got me!" That's about where I was. God began teaching me from that moment, "Shannon, I've got this. It's not about you. You're going to have to trust me." You know, I'm no scholar, but I've been told that the Hebrew word picture for "trust" is a man lying at the feet of another, flat on his face, hands by his side, fully surrendered. I don't know about you, but trust is a tough thing for me.
Well, today I was reminded by my Lord of that same truth again. Trust. I've heard it said, don't be afraid to leave someone alone with God. Yes, we are to teach, to train, to pray over our children. But we also have to learn how to leave them alone with God and trust that He doesn't always want us to be up in the middle of everything. His Holy Spirit spoke through a 13 year old young man this morning. Boldly, clearly, and beautifully, the entire middle school, including adults, completely mesmerized. I sat there amazed. I don't know why. I know that's who this boy is. It's him to the core. Everything he does just reeks servanthood, sharing truth, and knowing not only the things of God, but truly KNOWING God. Still, the Lord spoke to me and reminded me that He's got this. Yes, I was reminded how important it is to keep doing the things the Lord has impressed upon us as parents in teaching and training our children, from Jake all the way down to our youngest, but more importantly I was reminded that God does His greatest works when we let go and simply trust Him.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Pardon My Progress (or Attempt at Progress!)
You may be noticing that the appearance of the blog has changed a couple of times in the past few days! That's due to me trying to learn as I go how to design a blog! It's pretty amazing all the neat stuff out there, but due to me being quite a novice to all this and only having a few minutes here and there to work on it in between life, it may be a gradual process! I'm learning as I go, and I have several things I've found I want to try out, but not sure exactly when that will happen, so stay tuned, because the blog may be changing a little more day by day! If any of you guys have any advice or tips, I'd LOVE to hear from you! Thanks! Have a terrific day! (:
Sunday, January 30, 2011
17 years and counting
Any idea what you were doing January 29, 1994? For most everyone reading this blog it was just another ordinary day that meshed in with all the rest. Not me. That was the day I had dreamed about since I was a little girl. The day I had imagined in my mind over and over for years...even before I knew who would fill the role of the groom! It was a dream come true in every way imaginable. (especially the groom!) Tomorrow marks 17 years since I became the wife of my best friend in the world....and the crazy part is, the dream is still going strong.
We went to school together since 6th grade, but didn't really know each other well until our Junior year in highschool. Our first date? A double date with other people...yep, Kenny was with my good friend and I was with one of his football friends. I never could figure out why that guy never asked me out again. I felt sure he would and I hate to admit I waited by the phone a number of nights wondering if he would call. I didn't find out until a year or two later that Kenny had told him I wasn't interested, & that's why I never received anymore calls from that fella...and the rest is history! 4 1/2 years later our wedding day finally came, and sometimes I still can't believe how good I've got it. I certainly don't mean life is easy and we have it all figured out., but we are genuinely more in love with each other today than we ever were years ago. Some say that's just the way it's supposed to be, but the truth is, we all know that's not how it usually is in this day and time. I can't really explain it, but all I know is that the privilege of walking through this journey of life with this man at my side is more than I deserve. He is confident, yet amazingly humble. He is wise beyond his years, yet can hang out and talk with even the "least of these" and do so in such a way that makes others just enjoy hanging out with him. He's a hard worker, a servant, a leader. He's passionate about life and about everything he puts his hand to. He is always talking to those he teaches, coaches, as well as our own children, about making the most of every opportunity and beginning with the end in mind. In other words, if we fast forward our lives to our deathbed, what things really matter in that moment...REALLY. If you let yourself linger there a while it's actually quite overwhelming. The only thing that matters is your relationship with God, and behind that is your relationship with your family and the impact your life had on others. If those are the only things that really matter at the end of this life, then why do we all live in pursuit of so many other things that have no real meaning? Kenny is certainly human, but it is inspiring to watch someone live their life on a day to day basis who genuinely lives like there's no tomorrow.
He loves me and our children with a love that is not of this world. Just watching him be the daddy he is to our children makes me fall in love with him more and more. He's competitive and crazy with them and laughs a lot, but knows when to be firm and make the most of those teachable moments life just brings about every day. He has loved me through the good times and the hard times and been there for me through everything on my lovliest days and my not so lovely days! I know our children are getting to go through life seeing a Mama and Daddy who love each other so much, love Jesus, and laugh together, hang out together, and enjoy them together. He is the absolute best friend I could ever ask for. In some ways it seems like we should still be 16 years old hanging out in History class, but somehow I blinked and here we are 21 plus years later just loving each other and figuring out this journey together.
I feel led to close with this final thought. Ladies who may be waiting on that special guy to come into your life, if I could say anything to you about your future I would say this. Don't you dare settle. Don't miss out on what God has for you...His best. I've heard it said that "good is the enemy of great" Don't settle for "good" when God has something around the corner for you that is so great, so divine, it could only come from Him.
Here are a few pictures of our journey together so far!
Any idea what you were doing January 29, 1994? For most everyone reading this blog it was just another ordinary day that meshed in with all the rest. Not me. That was the day I had dreamed about since I was a little girl. The day I had imagined in my mind over and over for years...even before I knew who would fill the role of the groom! It was a dream come true in every way imaginable. (especially the groom!) Tomorrow marks 17 years since I became the wife of my best friend in the world....and the crazy part is, the dream is still going strong.
We went to school together since 6th grade, but didn't really know each other well until our Junior year in highschool. Our first date? A double date with other people...yep, Kenny was with my good friend and I was with one of his football friends. I never could figure out why that guy never asked me out again. I felt sure he would and I hate to admit I waited by the phone a number of nights wondering if he would call. I didn't find out until a year or two later that Kenny had told him I wasn't interested, & that's why I never received anymore calls from that fella...and the rest is history! 4 1/2 years later our wedding day finally came, and sometimes I still can't believe how good I've got it. I certainly don't mean life is easy and we have it all figured out., but we are genuinely more in love with each other today than we ever were years ago. Some say that's just the way it's supposed to be, but the truth is, we all know that's not how it usually is in this day and time. I can't really explain it, but all I know is that the privilege of walking through this journey of life with this man at my side is more than I deserve. He is confident, yet amazingly humble. He is wise beyond his years, yet can hang out and talk with even the "least of these" and do so in such a way that makes others just enjoy hanging out with him. He's a hard worker, a servant, a leader. He's passionate about life and about everything he puts his hand to. He is always talking to those he teaches, coaches, as well as our own children, about making the most of every opportunity and beginning with the end in mind. In other words, if we fast forward our lives to our deathbed, what things really matter in that moment...REALLY. If you let yourself linger there a while it's actually quite overwhelming. The only thing that matters is your relationship with God, and behind that is your relationship with your family and the impact your life had on others. If those are the only things that really matter at the end of this life, then why do we all live in pursuit of so many other things that have no real meaning? Kenny is certainly human, but it is inspiring to watch someone live their life on a day to day basis who genuinely lives like there's no tomorrow.
He loves me and our children with a love that is not of this world. Just watching him be the daddy he is to our children makes me fall in love with him more and more. He's competitive and crazy with them and laughs a lot, but knows when to be firm and make the most of those teachable moments life just brings about every day. He has loved me through the good times and the hard times and been there for me through everything on my lovliest days and my not so lovely days! I know our children are getting to go through life seeing a Mama and Daddy who love each other so much, love Jesus, and laugh together, hang out together, and enjoy them together. He is the absolute best friend I could ever ask for. In some ways it seems like we should still be 16 years old hanging out in History class, but somehow I blinked and here we are 21 plus years later just loving each other and figuring out this journey together.
I feel led to close with this final thought. Ladies who may be waiting on that special guy to come into your life, if I could say anything to you about your future I would say this. Don't you dare settle. Don't miss out on what God has for you...His best. I've heard it said that "good is the enemy of great" Don't settle for "good" when God has something around the corner for you that is so great, so divine, it could only come from Him.
Here are a few pictures of our journey together so far!
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| In highschool working on a project at my house |
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| Junior prom 1990 |
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| Senior prom-1991 |
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| College days (Union University) |
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| Wedding reception 1994 |
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| Wedding day January 29, 1994 |
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Married housing (our first home...a.k.a. our little concrete box!) We thought it was the most beautiful little place in the world!  Heading home from the hospital with our first baby...Jake September, 1997 Here after with Jake (3 years old) and Caleb (6 months)  Kenny & me in Maui! (went as chaperones with TCA's senior trip) LOVED it there!!! Spring, 2001  In September, 2002 the twins were added to our bunch of boys! This photo taken fall, 2004  Family picture...one of my all time favorites (morethanasnapshot photography-thanks to my friend, Kaka)
 ...and our first little red-headed boy, Z in March, 2009 (this was fall, 09) |
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| Ken & me 2009 |
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| Christmas 2009 |
Dallas Family Summer, 2010
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Eric Ludy - Depraved Indifference
I know there's a lot of stuff out there to watch, but I beg you to take a few minutes today and watch this from beginning to end. He's speaking my heart...we MUST do something with this.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Use Me or Kill Me
Happy New Year, friends! The Christmas decor is all put away and back to the old routine, right? Sometimes the beginning of the year can feel a little more like just plain "relief" because all the running and gunning of the holidays is over, but isn't there supposed to be more? Deep down somewhere, don't we all WANT there to be more? It's a brand new year...2011. Never will there be a 2010 again. I think we all desire for there to be more to it, hope this will be a great year, but we never DO much of anything differently to make that happen. I once heard a pastor say that the true definition of insanity is "doing the same thing you've always done and expecting a different result." How true is that?! God is a God who is sovereign and absolutely in control, but he does REQUIRE something of us. I was reminded last night as I listened to Beth Moore speak via webstream (Passion 2011 conference) that God DOES have a plan for us, but we are deceived if we don't believe Satan has his own plan for our lives,too. He will do anything and everything he can to defeat us in our walk with Christ. There is a battle raging for our hearts that will exist until we meet Jesus face to face, and it is a dangerous place for a soldier to be to not realize he has an enemy. "Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." I Peter 5:8.
We must also realize, though, who we are in Christ...what about that plan HE has for our lives? Let me say something here that I frequently tell my children and must often remind myself of...Satan is our enemy, but he is scared to death of who you will become. Listen to that again. Satan is scared to death of who YOU will become in the kingdom of God. Why else would he seek to devour us and destroy those plans our Lord has for us? Satan knows exactly how dangerous we can be and how much damage, through Christ, we can do to his earthly kingdom.
My prayer this year for myself, my family, and any of you reading these words is that we will be used to the fullest this year for the kingdom of God...not some of the time, but EVERY day in the little things and the big. That we stay focused and declutter our lives of the things that are meaningless and not eternal, but this won't happen if we just do things the same way we've always done them. The Lord has given me renewed vision about who He uses to do His work. One of the verses that has shaken up Kenny and myself over the past year or two is Acts 4:13 where it says, "When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus." God's still in the business of using regular old people like you and me turn this world upside down. (see Acts 17) We aren't guaranteed another hour on this earth...none of us. This year...TODAY, let's get outside of ourselves, outside the norm, and do something that matters. Yes, it has to start right where you are. If you're flippin' burgers, mothering your children, working at the office, whatever it is...God has something bigger for you (and me) than we could have ever imagined in our own minds. Don't miss it this year. Let 2011 be the year we will always remember that we took it to the next level. Let's mark it down, set our focus, and not lose sight. We must pursue HIM.
A dear former pastor and mentor to our family, Dr. John Avant, once said that he finally came to a point in his life where he SO wanted to be living his life to the fullest for the kingdom that he began each day praying, "Lord, use me or kill me!" I remember being a bit shocked to hear such a strong statement (maybe our pulpits are full of too many men NOT saying enough strong statements, but that's another post, right?!) Regardless, it struck me so hard to hear this man say those words...and mean them. That was almost 10 years ago, and I'd like to say I left the building praying that for myself, but I was scared to death! I can say, by the grace of God and the way He's moved in my life, I can pray that daily myself now. Please don't hear me wrong. I'm not asking you to test God or say some bold statement that you don't mean just for the sake of saying it. What I do pray is that you and I choose to pursue God this year daily in such a way that we come to a place where we SO desire to be used for the purposes the Lord has for us that we CAN pray this way...that our heart's desire is to KNOW Him and truly be used by Him to the fullest...and only then we can live the "life that is truly life" focused on Him and sharing His truth with the world around us.
We must also realize, though, who we are in Christ...what about that plan HE has for our lives? Let me say something here that I frequently tell my children and must often remind myself of...Satan is our enemy, but he is scared to death of who you will become. Listen to that again. Satan is scared to death of who YOU will become in the kingdom of God. Why else would he seek to devour us and destroy those plans our Lord has for us? Satan knows exactly how dangerous we can be and how much damage, through Christ, we can do to his earthly kingdom.
My prayer this year for myself, my family, and any of you reading these words is that we will be used to the fullest this year for the kingdom of God...not some of the time, but EVERY day in the little things and the big. That we stay focused and declutter our lives of the things that are meaningless and not eternal, but this won't happen if we just do things the same way we've always done them. The Lord has given me renewed vision about who He uses to do His work. One of the verses that has shaken up Kenny and myself over the past year or two is Acts 4:13 where it says, "When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus." God's still in the business of using regular old people like you and me turn this world upside down. (see Acts 17) We aren't guaranteed another hour on this earth...none of us. This year...TODAY, let's get outside of ourselves, outside the norm, and do something that matters. Yes, it has to start right where you are. If you're flippin' burgers, mothering your children, working at the office, whatever it is...God has something bigger for you (and me) than we could have ever imagined in our own minds. Don't miss it this year. Let 2011 be the year we will always remember that we took it to the next level. Let's mark it down, set our focus, and not lose sight. We must pursue HIM.
A dear former pastor and mentor to our family, Dr. John Avant, once said that he finally came to a point in his life where he SO wanted to be living his life to the fullest for the kingdom that he began each day praying, "Lord, use me or kill me!" I remember being a bit shocked to hear such a strong statement (maybe our pulpits are full of too many men NOT saying enough strong statements, but that's another post, right?!) Regardless, it struck me so hard to hear this man say those words...and mean them. That was almost 10 years ago, and I'd like to say I left the building praying that for myself, but I was scared to death! I can say, by the grace of God and the way He's moved in my life, I can pray that daily myself now. Please don't hear me wrong. I'm not asking you to test God or say some bold statement that you don't mean just for the sake of saying it. What I do pray is that you and I choose to pursue God this year daily in such a way that we come to a place where we SO desire to be used for the purposes the Lord has for us that we CAN pray this way...that our heart's desire is to KNOW Him and truly be used by Him to the fullest...and only then we can live the "life that is truly life" focused on Him and sharing His truth with the world around us.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Merry Christmas from our family to yours!
Look at these beautiful creatures! Created by the hand of God Himself. I'm overwhelmed just looking at them, not out of pride, but out of absolute, overflowing joy! How often with children we must remember that we worship the Creator, not the creation. Our fleshly nature draws us to the latter, but we know they are all precious ones in His sight, made BY God and FOR God. When I look at each of their faces they make me smile. Each of them so unique and so perfectly fashioned for the purpose for which they were made...for such a time as this. God knew exactly what He was doing when He formed each of them. He had a plan from the foundation of the world. A plan in which Kenny and I would be their Mama and Daddy and help prepare them for the next seasons of life that are ahead of them. A plan that only God Himself can see for now.
I can't help but think how overwhelmed Mary must have been when she first held and saw her precious baby. He was the Creator AND a creation put in flesh...hard to wrap my head around really. I'll never forget the emotions I had the first Christmas after my first child was born. I wrote about it vividly in my journal back then. I remember everything looked and felt different that Christmas. It's like this part of me came alive that didn't exist before. All of a sudden the stories of Jesus I had heard for years meant something now. I couldn't view any of it the same ever again. I would let myself just dwell deeply on each piece of Christmas...Mary's pregnancy and birth. REALLY? She went through all that natural childbirth in a stable? The pain, the fear of the unknown, the physical side of things that must be dealt with after the birth of a baby? Then the emotions of holding and looking at that newborn you have known for so many months now...watching His every movement and realizing that's what you've been feeling inside of you all these weeks. The incredible sense of responsibility that weighs on you in a new way than ever before once you see and hold that baby. Life. This beautiful, perfect life you are holding. So fresh from heaven. This creature crafted by the hand of God Himself and here in your arms. Overwhelming isn't a big enough word. Every verse of scripture I read had new meaning. Every song I had heard for years brought tears to my eyes that I couldn't hold back, because I felt them now. Those emotions haven't decreased one bit over the years, but have done quite the opposite. When I stop and realize that my Lord GAVE His only son to give me life...sacrificed Him for me, I can't even go there in my mind. It's beyond me.
As you look at the sweet faces of the children on our Christmas card, I hope you will see a picture of Christ. I pray that each of their lives impacts the kingdom of God in a mighty way and that they follow Him all of their days with humble, servant hearts. I pray that they are lights in the darkness around them, and that each of them fulfill the great purposes for which they were created...BY God and FOR God.
Friday, December 3, 2010
The Joy of the Lord
It's been quite a tiring past couple of weeks! We had a great Sunday the weekend before Thanksgiving surprising Kenny for his birthday (more on that in a later post), but it was truthfully downhill from there! We started with yucky, coughing sinus fever type stuff and despite all my best efforts, it went through the entire house the whole week of Thanksgiving. By the weekend it seemed we were finishing all our sickness up, and by Sunday night and Monday every single one of us just hit rock bottom. Long story short...all the kids to the doctor (which I avoid at all cost!) and Kenny and me sick as well. 3 nights straight E and Z (our littlest two) were up crying the entire night, which is, as many of you know, so difficult and exhausting, especially when you're sick yourself. Then daytime hours come, and there is no such thing as calling in sick. Maintaining a household of 8 doesn't just happen by itself, and if anything the demands go up instead of down during sick times.
Now, I am not writing all of this for the sake of complaint or even pity. I'm guessing I'm not the only one reading this post that can relate to what I'm talking about on some level. All I know is how now coming up on almost 2 weeks straight of sickness in this house, I AM WEARY! I am tired to the bone! I had my moment of tears yesterday, where I just had to lay on my face in my room and say, "Lord, I am exhausted. I have nothing left in me. I need You to help me." Ever feel that way? Man, I do. It's times like these that I know the Lord is continuing the process of chipping away at me and getting me a baby step closer to who He created me to be in the first place. Being a mama is hard...harder than I can ever describe. It's more amazing than I could ever put into words, but any woman would be lying to say it isn't the hardest job on the face of the planet! Ever since my very first, I can see how God uses these precious little ones to mold and shape US more and more into who we are to be. (don't we often think of it just the other way around?) Getting up in the night with little ones and nursing them, rocking them, or giving them medicine over and over when you don't FEEL like it again and again requires something of you that you didn't know you had in you before. I always feel like that each time I have a newborn, and you know, "Ok, here we go...days and days and weeks of going without sleep, getting up to feed, changing diapers while you're half asleep yourself, and getting up and going full force the next day with the other kids who slept wonderfully last night and have no idea that you feel like you've been hit by a semi-truck. All the while, you're supposed to still cook meals, clean house, do laundry, look somewhat presentable, and be somewhat pleasant for your dear husband, children, and friends. If anything in the world made me start the process of getting rid of self, it was becoming a mama! Would I trade it in a heartbeat? You must be kidding. Not a chance. This poor body of mine isn't tiny anymore, and my hair isn't flowing and long like it once was before all the hormones kicked in. I don't always have the energy I once had, and I sometimes feel like we look like a really bad reality show, despite our genuine attempts to teach and train our children. Regardless, I know that it's right. Nothing's ever been more right. I love how it never fails, the moment I feel like I'm at my absolute last ounce of strength, one of my little ones gives me a big smile or kiss. One of my guys grabs me and tells me how much they love me or says something to make my heart just melt. In those moments I am reminded what it's all about.
I'll end with a story about my twins, who are now 8 years old. At the time, I had 4 children, all boys, and all 6 years old and younger. The twins were little guys, still in diapers. It was the middle of football season, which for us is just incredibly busy. Kenny's works tremendous hours, and we didn't have family living around at all. Well, for whatever reason, these 2 little guys decide to start this lovely new habit of removing their diapers and smearing the contents all over everything in sight...I know, absolutely disgusting! (As Kenny said back then, "even a dog knows not to play in it's own poop! What's wrong with them?!") The crazy thing is they somehow were able to both fill their diapers at the same time and no matter how many layers of clothes I put on them, no matter how hard I tried to listen in while they were playing in their cribs, they would manage to do this over and over. This went on for days and weeks. Now, keep in mind, I was homeschooling a 5 and 6 year old all day, too, along with chasing these little twin monkeys around all day long! Let's just say, I definitely reached "weary" mode! One day I put the twins in their room to play for just a few minutes, and when I returned, you guessed it...poop city! EVERYWHERE! All over the carpet, walls, and ofcourse, all over them. You also have to realize, this had happened day after day for weeks. How in the world did these little jokers manage to do this much damage in just a very few minutes?! I was holding back tears, taking 2 little ones to the bathtub to clean up...again, trying to keep my older 2 boys out of the mess. After bathing them, I went back to their room with my cleaning supplies and got down on my hands and knees, scrubbing the mess off of the carpets. Needless to say, I wasn't looking very lovely myself. I had on my oversized t-shirt and shorts, hair pulled up on top of my head, no makeup. Here I am scrubbing up this mess and somehow in my mind thinking, "I didn't sign up for all this!" All I ever wanted to be my entire life was a mommy. I wanted a bunch of children and wanted to be a mommy. Let me assure you, this was NOT what I had envisioned all those years! I sat there on my knees cleaning, and as clearly as I've ever heard the audible voice of God, I heard Him say, "Shannon, this is what you're here for." What?! Seriously, that's it? I hear the audible voice of God more evidently than I ever have before, and THIS is what He says? Again, "Shannon, THIS is what you're here for." I stopped right there, and now, in tears of joy, I thanked Him. Yes. It's not about ME. I was put on this earth to glorify God. I am His servant. I never minded standing on a stage singing His praise serving Him, but this was dirty work. It was hard. It required something of me that I didn't think I had in me before. I say this, not pridefully, but thankfully...I finished scrubbing up that mess through my tears, telling my Lord that I loved Him. That this was my act of worship to Him. Our LIFE is our act of worship. The way I love on those children in the moments they aren't so lovable, or the way I do the most menial of tasks in the quiet of my home that no one sees but Him. He sees my heart. He loves me and is growing me right where I am. He receives that worship and is glorified.
I wish I could tell you that I have had perfect success keeping my focus ever since that day. Obviously, I haven't. However, I will tell you this. I can never forget the truth of what the Lord taught me that day. It is a choice. I can't control what circumstances come my way, but I can choose how I react to them. Dying to self. Isn't that what following Jesus really looks like anyway? Ironically, by being willing to die, I then have real life. Real life and joy in my children, in my husband, in my friends and even strangers. Real life in my Lord. All of a sudden there is purpose in every single trivial circumstance of life. It all matters. "The joy of the Lord is my strength."
Now, I am not writing all of this for the sake of complaint or even pity. I'm guessing I'm not the only one reading this post that can relate to what I'm talking about on some level. All I know is how now coming up on almost 2 weeks straight of sickness in this house, I AM WEARY! I am tired to the bone! I had my moment of tears yesterday, where I just had to lay on my face in my room and say, "Lord, I am exhausted. I have nothing left in me. I need You to help me." Ever feel that way? Man, I do. It's times like these that I know the Lord is continuing the process of chipping away at me and getting me a baby step closer to who He created me to be in the first place. Being a mama is hard...harder than I can ever describe. It's more amazing than I could ever put into words, but any woman would be lying to say it isn't the hardest job on the face of the planet! Ever since my very first, I can see how God uses these precious little ones to mold and shape US more and more into who we are to be. (don't we often think of it just the other way around?) Getting up in the night with little ones and nursing them, rocking them, or giving them medicine over and over when you don't FEEL like it again and again requires something of you that you didn't know you had in you before. I always feel like that each time I have a newborn, and you know, "Ok, here we go...days and days and weeks of going without sleep, getting up to feed, changing diapers while you're half asleep yourself, and getting up and going full force the next day with the other kids who slept wonderfully last night and have no idea that you feel like you've been hit by a semi-truck. All the while, you're supposed to still cook meals, clean house, do laundry, look somewhat presentable, and be somewhat pleasant for your dear husband, children, and friends. If anything in the world made me start the process of getting rid of self, it was becoming a mama! Would I trade it in a heartbeat? You must be kidding. Not a chance. This poor body of mine isn't tiny anymore, and my hair isn't flowing and long like it once was before all the hormones kicked in. I don't always have the energy I once had, and I sometimes feel like we look like a really bad reality show, despite our genuine attempts to teach and train our children. Regardless, I know that it's right. Nothing's ever been more right. I love how it never fails, the moment I feel like I'm at my absolute last ounce of strength, one of my little ones gives me a big smile or kiss. One of my guys grabs me and tells me how much they love me or says something to make my heart just melt. In those moments I am reminded what it's all about.
I'll end with a story about my twins, who are now 8 years old. At the time, I had 4 children, all boys, and all 6 years old and younger. The twins were little guys, still in diapers. It was the middle of football season, which for us is just incredibly busy. Kenny's works tremendous hours, and we didn't have family living around at all. Well, for whatever reason, these 2 little guys decide to start this lovely new habit of removing their diapers and smearing the contents all over everything in sight...I know, absolutely disgusting! (As Kenny said back then, "even a dog knows not to play in it's own poop! What's wrong with them?!") The crazy thing is they somehow were able to both fill their diapers at the same time and no matter how many layers of clothes I put on them, no matter how hard I tried to listen in while they were playing in their cribs, they would manage to do this over and over. This went on for days and weeks. Now, keep in mind, I was homeschooling a 5 and 6 year old all day, too, along with chasing these little twin monkeys around all day long! Let's just say, I definitely reached "weary" mode! One day I put the twins in their room to play for just a few minutes, and when I returned, you guessed it...poop city! EVERYWHERE! All over the carpet, walls, and ofcourse, all over them. You also have to realize, this had happened day after day for weeks. How in the world did these little jokers manage to do this much damage in just a very few minutes?! I was holding back tears, taking 2 little ones to the bathtub to clean up...again, trying to keep my older 2 boys out of the mess. After bathing them, I went back to their room with my cleaning supplies and got down on my hands and knees, scrubbing the mess off of the carpets. Needless to say, I wasn't looking very lovely myself. I had on my oversized t-shirt and shorts, hair pulled up on top of my head, no makeup. Here I am scrubbing up this mess and somehow in my mind thinking, "I didn't sign up for all this!" All I ever wanted to be my entire life was a mommy. I wanted a bunch of children and wanted to be a mommy. Let me assure you, this was NOT what I had envisioned all those years! I sat there on my knees cleaning, and as clearly as I've ever heard the audible voice of God, I heard Him say, "Shannon, this is what you're here for." What?! Seriously, that's it? I hear the audible voice of God more evidently than I ever have before, and THIS is what He says? Again, "Shannon, THIS is what you're here for." I stopped right there, and now, in tears of joy, I thanked Him. Yes. It's not about ME. I was put on this earth to glorify God. I am His servant. I never minded standing on a stage singing His praise serving Him, but this was dirty work. It was hard. It required something of me that I didn't think I had in me before. I say this, not pridefully, but thankfully...I finished scrubbing up that mess through my tears, telling my Lord that I loved Him. That this was my act of worship to Him. Our LIFE is our act of worship. The way I love on those children in the moments they aren't so lovable, or the way I do the most menial of tasks in the quiet of my home that no one sees but Him. He sees my heart. He loves me and is growing me right where I am. He receives that worship and is glorified.
I wish I could tell you that I have had perfect success keeping my focus ever since that day. Obviously, I haven't. However, I will tell you this. I can never forget the truth of what the Lord taught me that day. It is a choice. I can't control what circumstances come my way, but I can choose how I react to them. Dying to self. Isn't that what following Jesus really looks like anyway? Ironically, by being willing to die, I then have real life. Real life and joy in my children, in my husband, in my friends and even strangers. Real life in my Lord. All of a sudden there is purpose in every single trivial circumstance of life. It all matters. "The joy of the Lord is my strength."
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